I said I was going to be myself in this blog, so I will be. Many people have a tendency of losing things and I have a tendency of losing people, by force, or by choice, I lose them either way. I like to run away a lot. I once had a bad break up with a very insignificant person and flew to Mexico that night. This summer I flew to England for a month to stall something that was bound to end. I run away. I’m not a girl who falls in love with one person forever, that’s what my friends are for. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m a wildflower and when someone tries to keep me, I will die. I’m a girl who is in love with the world and will run away from people just to be with it. Should I not find some pride in that? That I consume myself with the thought of leaving instead with the thought of loving and settling down. One day, someone will change that and until then I’m okay with where I have gone in life, alone.
I’m a girl who wears all black very regularly but not in the Goth way but in the ‘I wish I was fashionable’ way.
I’m on my fourth cup of coffee and it’s 1am. I don’t want kids because I read somewhere that once you have a kid your pet takes the back burner and that thought makes me really sad. Honestly, like how can that even be possible?
I’ve come to realize, I’m friends with hopeless romantics who are wildflowers as well. Girls who love to be swoon for a moment but would rather it just be for a moment than forever. My friends are independent creatures with too much love for drinking wine every night or online shopping or eating a lot. I pride myself on them. My friends and I are picky. You may call us bitches but so be it because some people may think we are. We gossip endlessly with my mom and sit outside of parties having one too many cigarettes, ranting about how we need to go somewhere with our lives. What I’m trying to say is, when did girls stop being picky? You meet so many new people in college and it makes me wonder how low people’s standards go. When did it become okay to settle? You’re young, settling and staying with someone you truly want to be with are two incredibly different concepts. <Someone told me that and I find it impossibly true. I’m picky: I like beards, a boy who can dress well, a boy who can make my stomach hurt from laughing, a boy who makes an hour on the phone feel like 10 minutes, a boy with funny taste in music and funnier taste in movies, a boy who wont judge me for ordering a pizza and Chinese food because I couldn’t decide, a boy who cooks me the world, a boy who will fight with me when a fight needs to be had, a boy who challenges me, a boy with flaws that I love, and it’s a bonus if he is left handed. That’s a weird characteristic, I know but I’ve told my mom I want to be married to someone left-handed because I’m so jealous of them.
I want girls or boys to know that it’s OKAY to be alone because I believe society has told us differently. Why are we so afraid to be alone with ourselves these days anyway? Are you scared of what you will find out if you listen to your thoughts or read something you wrote or realize a certain genre of music that makes you weak? What is so scary of the thought of learning who you are? Are you scared you will not like it or are you scared you will and then question why someone hasn’t learned to love it as much as you do yet? It is also OKAY to love something other than the concept of loving someone. Life has given you the opportunity to fall in love with foods, places, people, things, moments, and music. It’s okay to consume your thoughts with selfish loves of other things and make loving someone a bonus.
I understand life can get lonely, but that’s what soul mates are for. Soul mates are around you everyday—they are the people that make your life worth living, the people that add meaning to your life and they come in different people and things. If you find one day that in your entire life, even for a split moment, that you are happy with yourself, embrace it. Swim in the feeling of it because as cliché as I may sound at this moment, happiness comes from anything in life that you see and you’ve finally let it in.
samanthabridget 